Hey, take a picture, it lasts longer!!"

Remember that old saying?  As a kid, God forbid if someone as much as looked at you for a second, this would be the immediate reaction.

The saying has renewed meaning when you have a child with a disability. 

I have tried to fathom why this is.  Sometimes, when I am in a giving kind of mood, I would tell myself, hey, people are curious.  They wonder what children such as Mishayla are like.   They don't stare out of meanness, and only have benevolent feelings toward my daughter.

Some of it is who is doing the staring.  Usually if it's kids, I think that is the case.  Children do have a natural curiosity about their world.  It's like the stories you hear often about children meeting a person of color, or other minority for the first time, they wonder solely about why this person is different from them. 

With adults, I'm a little more suspecious. I really feel they should probably know better.  They are not inexperienced with the world (or at least they shouldn't be, and my patience with them is a bit less.)

One incident of inpolite staring at my daughter actually involved her extremely protective grandfather.  My father, now in his 80s, knew nothing, and had never been exposed to, children with disabilities.  But when Mishayla was born, both my parents were loving and supportive.  When Mishayla and I lived with my parents for a few months during a time our family was deciding where to relocated after Tony's job loss,  my father became even more attached to his granddaughter. 

He was becoming a "mama bear."  Or I supposed in his case, a "grandpa bear."



"Grampa Bear," my dad



Sitting in a restaurant with my parents one Sunday morning, I noticed my dad kept looking across the table at the booth next to us. 

I asked him what he was looking at. "That guy over there keeps looking at Mishayla," said my dad. "I don't know what his problem is."

I just told him to blow it off.  "People do that all the time, Dad," I said. "Doesn't really mean anything.  Who knows? Maybe he has a kid with Down Syndrome himself."

"I don't care," he replied. "It's rude, and I don't like it."

Our meal continued.  Dad kept looking at the guy, munching on his toast.  When it was time to go, we were all sliding out of the booth.  I didn't look toward the table, just walking away.

From behind me, I hear this my father's voice. "What is you're problem?"

Oh, God, I'm thinking; what is getting himself into?

Then I hear him again "Take a picture, why don't ya? It'll lasts longer!!!"

With that, Dad followed us out of the restaurant.   When he caught up with us, he said. "I had just had it with him staring. Why was he staring at her like that? I just don't understand people at all."

Confronting people along these lines can be dangerous, but sometimes, it can get pretty aggravating to just tolerate it in silence. 

Maybe it would be better if people just come up to you and say what is on their mind.  For the most part, this hardly ever occurs. 

It happened to me, once.  I was in a public library, and Mishayla was maybe a year old.  I was carrying her with me on a weekday afternoon, just needing to get out of the house for a while and do something that didn't cost a lot of money.  For me, that place is the library. 

Out of nowhere, this woman comes up to me.  Compliments me on my lovely child.  Wants to know how old she is.  I felt comfortable enough to relay some details.  Seemed like a nice enough person.  Very empathetic and all.

She looks at me pensively, suddenly handing me a pamphlet.

It was from the Jehovah's witnesses.  "You know, children like her really need Jesus."

Sigh.  So that was where the interest was. Everybody's got their own agenda. 

Think I'll go back to the staring without the comments.  With that, I can just walk away!!!