The teenager emerges

They say you can always tell time is passing by looking at your children.

The other day, I realized time was passing by looking at Mishayla's room.  Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber posters on the wall.  A "Girl Power" placard in pink and black letters.  Jewelry and clothes everywhere.

This was clearly the room of a teenager.  She turned 13 on Friday.  She was happy with her birthday.  Since I could't find a "Lady Gaga" birthday cake, I ran some pictures off the internet, cut one out, and fit it to her cake.  She was thrilled.  Then we spent the next day shopping at Target, coming out with piles of clothes with flowers and sequins and all those girly things.  My daughter is nothing is she is not girly; most of what she picked out was red and pink and sparkles. 

I admit some of this probably comes from me. Red and pink have always been my favorites.  And things that sparkle? I can never get enough.

All was fine until she wanted the hot pants.  Of course Dad said no to those.

The highlight of her birthday was hearing from her brother Jared, who is firefighter with the U.S.Forestry Service, currently working in northern Nevada.  She misses him, as we all do.

Another highlight of her birthday was doing lunch and shopping with her two wonderful caregivers, Pam, Jen and Brie.  These wonderful caregivers made Mishayla feel special on her special day; they are awesome!


Mishayla and her Lady Gaga cake

So as you can see, much of Mishayla is like a typical thirteen year old.  But of course, we know, a lot of her is not.  She still needs assistance with things most 13 years no longer do.  I wonder sometimes if that isn't my fault.  As mothers, we care for our children, and most children will clearly tell you when it's time to stop "mothering" them.  For instance, with Jared, by the time he was 8, there was no more going near him when he was dressing, and he protested vehemently when I tried to kiss him or make a fuss over him. He insisted he was clearly too old for this sort of thing.

Since Mishayla didn't do this, I'm the one that has to say it's time she learn to do certainly things on her own as much as possible.  We purchased a new shower head she can take on and off so she can learn to shower without help, and do her hair.  I still have to help her wash her hair because she has a severe scalp condition that requires really cleaning her scalp well.  Things like managing her monthly menstration is also a challenge, where she currently needs my assistance, and the assistance of her caregivers.

Everything with Mishayla is in slow motion.  She can learn anything, but what kids generally pick  up on their own takes Mishayla months, sometimes years, to grasp.  I think she will be able to go these things.  But as her doctors said at her birth, it's never going to be a sprint with Mishayla, it's always going to be a marathon. And that is okay. We'll get there.

All parents worry about their children's futures.  My son went through of series of things he wanted to do with his life before he decided firefighter was the career for him.  But what about a child with an intellectual disability? Current statistics show that only about 10% of adults with these disabilities end up having any kind of gainful employment.  When I worked as a advocate for the disabled, we got lots of calls from parents of "adult children" at their wits end, unable to help their child assimilate into any kind of productive life. Many of them spent day after day on the sofa watching TV, their lifes without direction or purpose.

Mishayla loves the computer. She can make videos with audio on iMovie, which is something I don't think I've even tried to do.  With any child, you try and capitalize on their strengths and their interests.  Mishayla will be partipating in a computer class at school this year, which I know she will enjoy, but I also hope it may hone some skills for her that may help her in the future.  All people need to be productive and contribute, and should be given those opportunities.  I plan to do my best to help Mishayla have that. 

One thing having a child with a disability teaches you is what is important.  I have two main wishes for my daughter as she begins her unique journey as an adolescent; I wish her joy, and I wish her health.  Everything else beyond that, let's face it, is gravy.  We still have issues to face with her health. But I do believe she is a happy kid.  I hear her laughing in her room as I write this.  She laughs alot.

And what more could any parent really ask for?